If you're on Facebook all the time, and you're comfortable with social
networking and chatting, Facebook can be a great place for chatting with
a girl. This article will offer a few suggestions for going about the
process of chatting and maybe even asking out a girl, all using
Facebook.
Steps
- Find the girl you want to chat with. Is this a girl you're already friends with on Facebook? If so, move to the next step. Or is she someone you've spotted on Facebook, perhaps through mutual friends, and you'd like to be friends with her on Facebook? In the second case, start by sending her a friend request. If you already know her off the site, or if you have mutual friends, the chances that she'll accept your friend request are fairly high, so give it a go.
- If you send a friend request and she doesn't accept you, don't take it personally. There are lots of reasons why she might not have accepted your request, from wondering who you are to having too many friend requests already. If she doesn't friend you back, then it's not meant to be and just keep looking. Also if you look too old she'll might not accept you either.
- If she does accept the request but asks you who you are, be honest and let her know who you are and why she interested you as a Facebook friend. If it's mutual friends or interests, explain that very clearly. Telling her that you liked her profile interests and thought she'd be nice to get to know will be an honest and flattering approach.
- Start chatting. There's no better start than to do something, so send her a message. Keep it very simple, fun, and short to begin with.
- If you don't know her yet, or not very well, introduce yourself properly. Tell her a little bit about yourself and what you do, and ask about her interests and likes.
- If you know each other already, say "hi" and ask her how she's doing. If you haven't talked much online before, just take it easy as this is new territory and she may converse very differently from the person you know in real life. Don't be surprised by anything, just go with the flow.
- Ask simple questions like "How are you?", or even be a bit of a friendly tease by asking her things like what she's doing up so late. These sorts of questions will get the conversation started.
- Be interested in her. Ask her questions
about her interests and in turn, reflect an interest in what she has to
say. Don't assume that she's interested in your profile details just
yet but let her ask you questions and gradually build up a picture of
who you are and what you like too. Don't worry, she'll definitely be
looking at your profile!
- Look at her profile and make a list of questions about the things she has listed there. The best places to look on the profile include "Interests", "Favorite TV shows", "Favorite Movies", favorite music and books, etc. – there is plenty of personal information there for you to be working on! Read up on anything you don't know much about so that you can hold an intelligent, informed chat with her on the topic.
- Avoid showing off.
Once you start to get a bit more confident around her, your boastful
self might feel tempted to rise up and swamp the chat. Do your best to
repress this side of your character and to keep your cool. She won't be
impressed by stats, boasting, or stories that simply relate how full of
yourself you are. Always be more interested in what she has to say; you
can bore her senseless with your game stats or parkour prowess later.
- Showing off can sometimes result from nerves. If this is the case, keep your composure. You're online, so you can buy yourself time with excuses such as being interrupted (BRB) or having to go off and come back later.
- Remember that it's all about her as far as you're concerned. She'll reciprocate in kind by asking about you; just be patient.
- Avoid being rude, abusive, or crass. Jokes
that might go down well with your mates won't necessarily hit the mark
with her, especially when you don't know her too well. Avoid using
expletives, suggestive language, or crass jokes at this stage of getting
to know one another. Until she opens up enough to reveal that she
doesn't mind such an approach, err on the side of caution and assume
that she does. Nine times out of ten, you'll find you need to keep your
chatting style with a girl toned down from the one you'd use with
another guy.
- Avoid using insensitive remarks, characters or symbols in your messages. Keep your cool and be thoughtful in your responses.
- Be very careful not to make snide remarks about her interests or anything that could be misinterpreted as having a go at her. If in doubt, don't say it.
- If she sends you a photo, message, or link that you think is really soppy or pathetic, don't own up. Simply be polite and say something neutral like "that was interesting" and don't remark on it any further. There's no need to be rude about what she thinks is a kind gesture.
- Be friendly, not a nuisance. Don't bug her all the time with messages and interruptions. Mete out your chats over time and give her plenty of space. It is better if she's wondering where you are than worrying that you're about again. Less is always more.
- Try to avoid adding flirting to your messages until you get the idea that there is something more than friendship developing between the two of you. As your friendship grows and you begin to suspect that maybe you like her and she likes you as more than friends, then it will be the time to test out some flirty language. Prior to this point though, keep it at the level of fun friends and nothing more serious. Even if you do start flirting, keep it fun for a while as neither of you know where this is headed just yet.
- Ask her out.
If you reach a stage where she seems to be someone you'd like to meet
up with and learn more about face-to-face, consider asking her out.
There's no need to make it heavy or romantic at this stage. Simply ask
her if she'd like to "hang out sometimes", or to meet up for a coffee or
a movie, or perhaps even to turn up at a local social networking event
or an anime, cosplay or wiki convention.
Make it very clear to her that you want to meet her in a public space,
so that she can be reassured that if you're a total nutcase, she has
protection in the form of other people! If she seems hesitant, tell her you don't mind her bringing a friend or her mom even!
- She might say no but that doesn't mean the door has to close. Simply say "that's cool, maybe another time then" but continue to chat with her like usual, being your typical friendly self. She may simply need more time to pluck up the courage to meet you, or she may still be testing to see whether you are someone she'd like to meet at all and at this stage is really enjoying the chats but isn't ready for a greater commitment. Don't sweat it; enjoy it for what it is and be patient.
